Rejection letters, correspondence, and miscellanea from the otherwise empty annals of the Journal of Universal Rejection.

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Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Capital "T"

Dear D       L   ,

Our new editorial policy requires hiding the names of submittants unless they provide a liability waiver. We don't make up the rules. Yes, you have a funny name, but we can't tell anyone what it is. Ha ha.

Regarding your essay, "Captain Kirk and Capitalism" -- insightful work. Brilliant work. We are impressed with your liberal use of commas, creative distribution of the words "lubricate" and "fetish", and your ability to bandy about the term "Tellarite pig nose", which we mean to look up. Maybe tomorrow.

It is clear that you are a Trekie with a capital "T". As former fans ourselves (lower case) we know that Captain Kirk allowed no directive to restrict his bold application of cultural improvements to native populations. It is clear you follow in his prodigious footsteps: God and godlessness, ideology, photography, identity and reality -- our hats off to you for your refusal to limit the scope (or length) of your essay. Whatever the point might be.

Our intern just interrupted us to say that your point is that society is created by mass media rather than the other way around. He's always spouting stuff like that. We keep him around anyway.

But wait a moment. If he's right, then you're saying we don't really know what we think. We never thought about it that way before. So maybe we're wrong and your essay isn't brilliant after all. Now we're just not sure.

And while normally that wouldn't be an obstacle to publication, well, there's the capital "T" thing. We really can't be seen to be taking you seriously.


Sonia Lyris
Editor: Short Fiction, Medium Fiction, Bits of Long Fiction, Extra-terrestrial Matters, Highlighter Exposés, Iconoclast Rants, Chocolate Epic Fantasy, & Limericks
Journal of Universal Rejection

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