Dear Professor Elmenreich:
Thank you for your
submission, "The Cake Paradox", which has, apparently, been languishing
on our Editor-in-Chief's desk for the last seven months.
"Get this handled!" he told me yesterday, slamming it down on my desk. "And no more delays!"
You see how it is around here? And on top of that I have to drink French roast. I hate French roast.
to your paper which seems to have something to with baking, betting,
and surprising your co-workers. While your lack of sensitivity to the
gluten intolerant is both typical and lamentable, the real problem here
is, one, there doesn't appear to be an actual paradox (assuming we
understand your math), and two, we don't understand your math.
is always factor in publishing and it's your bad luck to have had your
paper assigned to me, Editor of Short Fiction (which this is not),
Extra-terrestrial Matters (which this is not), Highlighter Exposés (hmm,
maybe) and Chocolate Epic Fantasy (which is probably why this was given
to me rather than Joe who handles Math Stuff or our sysadmin, Alice. Or
maybe because everyone else was at lunch. Hmm.)
we had to fire Margarite, who handled baked goods. I thought it was
cheery the way she decorated incoming submissions with star-tip icing
and jimmies but our Fearless Leader didn't quite see the irony.
are, however, sufficiently impressed with your Erdös Number that we
would have a beer with you next time you're in town. If you're buying.
Good luck with your baking and co-worker gambling issues.
Short Fiction, Medium Fiction, Bits of Long Fiction, Extra-terrestrial
Matters, Highlighter Exposés, Iconoclast Rants, Chocolate Epic Fantasy,
Journal of Universal Rejection