Rejection letters, correspondence, and miscellanea from the otherwise empty annals of the Journal of Universal Rejection.

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Monday, March 11, 2013

The Cake Paradox

Dear Professor Elmenreich:

Thank you for your submission, "The Cake Paradox", which has, apparently, been languishing on our Editor-in-Chief's desk for the last seven months.

"Get this handled!" he told me yesterday, slamming it down on my desk. "And no more delays!"

You see how it is around here? And on top of that I have to drink French roast. I hate French roast.

Back to your paper which seems to have something to with baking, betting, and surprising your co-workers. While your lack of sensitivity to the gluten intolerant is both typical and lamentable, the real problem here is, one, there doesn't appear to be an actual paradox (assuming we understand your math), and two, we don't understand your math.

Luck is always factor in publishing and it's your bad luck to have had your paper assigned to me, Editor of Short Fiction (which this is not), Extra-terrestrial Matters (which this is not), Highlighter Exposés (hmm, maybe) and Chocolate Epic Fantasy (which is probably why this was given to me rather than Joe who handles Math Stuff or our sysadmin, Alice. Or maybe because everyone else was at lunch. Hmm.)

Too bad we had to fire Margarite, who handled baked goods. I thought it was cheery the way she decorated incoming submissions with star-tip icing and jimmies but our Fearless Leader didn't quite see the irony.

We are, however, sufficiently impressed with your Erdös Number that we would have a beer with you next time you're in town. If you're buying.

Good luck with your baking and co-worker gambling issues.

Most sincerely,

Sonia Lyris
Editor: Short Fiction, Medium Fiction, Bits of Long Fiction, Extra-terrestrial Matters, Highlighter Exposés, Iconoclast Rants, Chocolate Epic Fantasy, Limericks
Journal of Universal Rejection