Thank you for submitting your work to the Journal of Universal Rejection. It is clear that you eagerly await our rejection letter. I’m sure psychologists have a term for such an unhealthy desire. Perhaps you may be labeled as a rejectophile?
In any case, we aim to please. Your work is rejected. Additionally, I encourage you to seek counseling on your obsession with rejection.
I know you have been waiting to learn the acceptance status of your submission for a few months. But to paraphrase our journal’s motto, your rejection may have been certain, but the time frame certainly wasn’t.
Best of luck on your future endeavors.
Journal of Universal Rejection