Rejection letters, correspondence, and miscellanea from the otherwise empty annals of the Journal of Universal Rejection.

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Thursday, January 12, 2012


Dear SP,

Thank you for submitting "untitled.odt" to the Journal of Universal Rejection.  You are the 24th person to submit an empty document to the Journal of Universal Rejection.

I must congratulate you on two levels.

Firstly, because you are the first person to submit an empty Open Office document.  I take that your aim is to provide a biting social commentary on the state of Word processing today.  Your aim, by submitting to us, is drive a sudden wedge into the monopolistic control of Microsoft Corp.  Like the toenail of a penguin that slabs an enormous iceberg off of the Ross Ice Shelf, your submission is the final claw, and like that same icerberg, once afloat, 90% of its meaning is underwater!  I predict that within a few days of the publication of this rejection letter, it will no longer be necessary for every single job applicant to waste space on a resume writing "Microsoft Office"

Secondly, by naming your document "Untitled," you follow in the footsteps of such great artists as Jean-Michel Basquiat, Mark Rothko, Emily Dickinson, Charles Simic, ... The list goes on and on.  A bit of their greatness has rubbed off on your work, which glows with a warm amber aura.

We do reject all submissions, empty or not.  Therefore--despite the social commentary and glowing halo--yours is rejected. 

And trust me, the emptiness we publish is our own, not yours.

Best regards,

Caleb Emmons, PhD
Journal of Universal Rejection

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