Rejection letters, correspondence, and miscellanea from the otherwise empty annals of the Journal of Universal Rejection.

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Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Touring Machines

Dear Drs. K. and R.:

Thank you for submitting your manuscript entitled "A Case for the Turing Machine" for publication in the JUR. I read it three times and still don't get it.

You have larded your paper with much mumbo-jumbo about lazily semantic archetypes (!), scatter/gather I/O, and Zipf-like distributions. Despite the cute Greek letters, graphs and so forth, I regret to inform you that you haven't adequately made your case. And you really should have proofread the manuscript more carefully. The correct spelling is "touring."

And I know touring machines. In my younger days I briefly owned a 1948 Vincent C-Series Black Shadow (won it off a guy in a poker game). That puppy could book, let me tell you, and when I tooled into Laconia every June, it was everything I could do to keep the HD wusses from drooling all over it. And the babes--well, that's a story for another time.

I fully endorse your desire to make your case. But your paper simply won't work for us. Thanks anyway for thinking of the JUR. You might see if Cycle World is interested.

Sincerely yours,
Karl M. Petruso, Associate Editor
Journal of Universal Rejection

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