Rejection letters, correspondence, and miscellanea from the otherwise empty annals of the Journal of Universal Rejection.

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Monday, November 7, 2011

We Want to Be the 1%

Note from the Editor-in-Chief:  Another rejection from Associate Editor Chicken.  I would like to widen his call for bank account and credit card numbers, and so although the following letter is addressed to 'Mark,' feel free to consider it an open letter to the world and email me your own financial information. 

We at JofUR feel that because we are already universally despised (because of our impossible editorial standards, extreme good looks, or just generally jerky ways), we deserve to join the 1% at the expense of the 99%.  We want to be the 1%.  Then we could become the Editor-in-Yacht!  (That's the royal we of course.)

Although I'd love to blab on about OWS or other topics such as how to construct a straw-bale house, I'll save that for another post, and paste in Editor Chicken's rejection without further ado:

Dear Mark,

Thank you for submitting a rough draft of your untitled paper to the Journal of Universal Rejection.  There seems to be quite a bit about borrowing, lending and spending in it.  Your work is clearly focused on the theoretical aspects of these activities.  For us to seriously consider the merits of your paper, we will need to see an application or case study. 

We at the Journal of Universal Rejection are here to help you out in this regard.  Please send the editors your credit card number (don't forget the expiration date and security code).  Also, your bank account number and online password would be useful.  We will begin to gather data on spending (and to a lesser extent, lending and borrowing) at once.  You should see this data in about six weeks on your next  credit card and bank statements.

In the meantime, your paper is rejected.

Eric Chicken
Associate Editor
The Journal of Universal Rejection


  1. Dear Editor,

    I'd gladly email you my financial information with my paper, but don't know what to write about.

    Perhaps it's high time that the JoUR issued a serious call for papers?

  2. Dear Anonymous,

    Better yet, I'll give you my Paypal address and you can wire the money.

    It is definitely time JofUR issues a serious call for papers. Any clever ideas for a topic?