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Rejection letters, correspondence, and miscellanea from the otherwise empty annals of the Journal of Universal Rejection.

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Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Blind Review

To the editor,
Attached, please find my submission to The Journal of Universal Rejection, "This Article Should Not Be Rejected By The Journal of Universal Rejection". 
The article is a 2-page proof that the article should not be rejected from your journal (prepared, of course, for blind review). Thanks very much for your consideration.

Best,
J          


Dear J          ,

Thank you for your thoughtful submission "This Article Should Not Be Rejected By The Journal of Universal Rejection" to the Journal of Universal Rejection.

We are writing to let you know that your submission has been rejected.  Here is how this played out.  First I cogitated for awhile about the capitalization in your title.  I kind of prefer titles where you don't capitalize words unnecessarily, but I was willing to be open to that.  But even for capitalized titles, you shouldn't be capitalizing the word 'by.'  I'm not sure about the 'The.'  Anyway, I decided it might be seen as a bit petty to reject just based on capitalization in a title.  So my next step was to find a blind reviewer.

I sent your paper off for review via snail mail to Ray Charles.  It turns out this great blues musician is no longer with us, RIP. 

Next I placed a Braille translation of your document in the in-box (or tip jar?) of a beggar downtown.  He seemed mystified and inquired whether I had any money.  Of course JofUR does not pay its reviewers!  This is a premier journal, we don't stoop to that!  When I returned later, the hobo could not recollect your paper, it appears he may have burned it, or used it as bedding.  I did not take this as a good sign for your manuscript.

Finally, I decided to take review into my own hands.  I first removed my glasses and began to skim your document.  However I realized I could still make out a word here and there, so this was not truly blind review.  So, in the end I went into a darkened room, closed my eyes, sat down, and got to reading.  I was disturbed just seconds later by my son yelling!  I should not have used the room that we was taking his mid-day nap in for this chore!

He said: "Papa?  Waaaaaaah!"

"I'm reviewing this paper, Bud.  Do you think I should publish it?"

"Waaaaaaah!"

So in that darkened room the doom of your document was determined.  Rejection.

Best wishes,
Caleb
Editor-in-Chief
Journal of Universal Rejection

2 comments:

  1. They already invented that Prorch. Have you heard of Blogger? Or the Internets in general?

    Our point at JofUR is that we don't publish anything.

    ReplyDelete