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Rejection letters, correspondence, and miscellanea from the otherwise empty annals of the Journal of Universal Rejection.

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Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Completely Untitled

Dear Mr. T     ,

If only your stated certainty of our affection for your submission could make it so! Alas that our mortal urgings to the universe, gods and various demons do not influence the course of events or indeed our opinion of your submission. Alas.

We have had our editorial team pour over your self-avowed unfinished, unpolished, and indeed (we confirm) unedited work to find some redeeming quality, which we did find in the next-to-last paragraph, which, while failing to cash the barely legible check of the preceding handful of disjointed paragraphs, brought a smile to our faces:

"The easiest way to fail in life is to die too soon. The second easiest way is to die too late."

We'd like to say that the same applies to your story, but there is no story as far as we can tell, so it is difficult to discern if it had died too soon or too late.

Bluntly, Mr. T     , we have strict rules here. We do not publish incomplete manuscripts. Ever. Except when we do, of course. It could happen. In the multiverse, they say, anything is possible.

Except in your case. We must reject your story on the grounds that despite one or two good lines, it does not have a beginning or end (the middle, as always, is arguable). It is, to quote you "neither complete nor titled" and, yes, we can see that you "haven't proofread [it] at all".

We thank you for your submission and hope you will, next time, consider sending us a shopping list.

Sincerely,

This Lady of Rejection
Sonia Lyris, Short Fiction Editor

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