Dear Drs. S., H., H., and L.:
Thank you for you submission "Ultimate Foosball" to the Journal of Universal Rejection.
We have been too busy conducting an Ultimate Foosball tournament to respond to your wonderful submission. However the tournament, and it's followup 7 round rematch has finally come to an end, and a period of ultimate exhaustion ensued. After that we drank some lemonade and felt much better.
Then we sat down and had a hard think about rejecting your piece. This was not going to be easy. Did we need to find a reason to reject? No, not according to our charter. But we had this nagging suspicion that if our rejection fell short of your expectations you would shoot back with an email that read "Our grandmothers could reject better than that." The horror! The horror!
But our cogitations wound down to an end without great effect. Therefore we are sending this rejection, for what it's worth. And we've chartered a boat to float up the Thames; you'll find us mumbling at length about rejection in the jungle, and obsessively checking our email on our iPad. At nights we'll dream of Ultimate Foosball as we shiver under the grey starless skies.
Caleb Emmons, PhD
Journal of Universal Rejection