Rejection letters, correspondence, and miscellanea from the otherwise empty annals of the Journal of Universal Rejection.

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Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Read Read Wine

Dear Dr. C,

Thank you for submitting "Mercury Concentration in Italian Red Wine from a Mining Contaminated Region, Tuscany" to the Journal of Universal Rejection. 

We will soon be holding our annual Editorial Board retreat at an undisclosed location, and were wondering if you would be willing to deliver 4,250 L of wine there (we would at that point disclose the location). Should the wine contain undue quantities of mercury--or lead--that would fit perfectly with the banquet's theme "The Mad Hatter's Teaparty."  Tasting will proceed in a musical-chairsy sort of way, with the Editor-in-Chief leading the way as we rotate around the table, relating personal anecdotes, reciting oodles of nonsense poetry, and posing unsolvable riddles.  You could come if you want.

In return for the wine we will promise to report any slurred speech or other toxicological effects to contribute to your wider study.  Who knows, perhaps we would all be feeling jolly and you would score the first acceptance issued by our Journal.  Without an affirmative response on the beverage delivery, however, I'm afraid I must hold up a mirror to your rejection.

Best regards,
Caleb Emmons, PhD
Journal of Universal Rejection

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