Thank you for submitting your manuscript "Biomass production in Nauru: A preliminary field trial" to the Journal of Universal Rejection.
As an avid gardener, I read with great interest your reported results on the differences in biomass production when using mulched versus non-mulched soil. I printed your paper, shredded it, and mulched it into the soil around half of the pepper plants in my garden. Since it will take several months before I can determine if this treatment has improved the productivity of the treated specimens, I must reject your paper.
Good luck on finding a suitable venue for your research.
Eric Chicken Associate Editor Journal of Universal Rejection