Thank you for your submission "A desk under observation: an analysis of objects located on or within spitting distance of a working science journalist" to the Journal of Universal Rejection.
We read your piece with interest. Our first question was: did you actually test your claim by spitting on each of the named objects? It seemed from a very cursory read that you did not. However, perhaps you spat about randomly for awhile to get some kind of general radius and worked with that: assuming your salivary glands could continue to produce the necessary spittle, you would have been able to hit the named objects. Our second question was about your wallet. Apparently it did not contain very much cash, which was a disappointment. However sure it must contain perfectly good credit cards. Perhaps you were thinking about a subscription to our Journal? Very good idea!
In the mean time however, I must let you know that despite the obvious effort you have made polishing your article, or not, we must reject it.
Caleb Emmons, PhD
Journal of Universal Rejection