Rejection letters, correspondence, and miscellanea from the otherwise empty annals of the Journal of Universal Rejection.

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Sunday, March 6, 2011


Dear Editor for Journal of Universal Rejection,

Re: Your solicitation for submissions listed on http://www.universalrejection.org/#instructions

After careful consideration, I regret to inform you that your journal does not seem suitable for my particular type of writing at this time. Should my focus change (which is unlikely), I will certainly contact you.

Fredrik Stenshamn, M.Sc.  

Dear Fredrik,

Thank you for your email.  However, I regret to inform you that we cannot accept your assertion that our Journal is not suitable for your type of writing.  Didn't you see the bit where we said we take everything?

I'm afraid you'll have to submit something.

Best regards,
Caleb Emmons, PhD
Journal of Universal Rejection

Dear Editor,

Per your request, I have carefully reviewed my previous writings and must once again inform you that they are not suitable for your publication at this time. 

As endearing as your persistency is, and I suspect it brings you success in other circumstances (such as, but not limited to, grant applications, thesis presentations, and speed-dating), I regret to inform you that your call for submissions has been declined.

Best regards,
Fredrik Stenshamn, M.Sc.

P.S. Come to think of it, I actually did have a paper on "Theory of Endearing Persistency", but have since discarded it due to a rare case of premature rejection.

Dear Fredrik,

We have decided to consider your two emails as submissions.  We have attached our standard copyright form, which you can sign, date, and fax to the number 0-000-00-000.  There is no reason to do this, however, since both of your submissions have been rejected by our editorial board.

Best of luck to you sir,

Dear Caleb,

I see here that you have decided to accept my submission of the standard copyright form, without prior review even. That is excellent news! I shall submit it post-haste.

Best regards,

Dear Fredrik,

We have done no such thing.  You have gone beyond "endearing" in your persistence and are approaching "annoying" quickly.  Well done sir.  Don't make us add you to the dreaded auto-reject list. 


Dear Fredrik,

How do you feel about our correspondence being posted on the Journal's blog:

Does that sound good to you?
(You want to agree--I am using a Jedi mind trick on you.)


Go for it. 
These are not the droids we're looking for...

1 comment:

  1. Very enjoyable reading. Thank you. I also appreciate the considerate attitude of not adding more journals to publications to have to be aware of in my field of research - since as you said any kind of area is suitable or relevant, so I assume also for my area of interest your journal would be relevant. But I have not found many references yet, so I can relax and not need to worry. Ranking is also an issue of course, you might want to do something about that.