Editor's note: We received a submission from Ann and Teresa and Ann who host the Ann and Teresa and Ann Show on KBGA 89.9 – College Radio at the University of Montana. They were nice enough to pre-write their own rejection letter. (Attention submitters--this is a great idea.) It appears below in edited form.
Dear Ann and Teresa and Ann,
Thank you for your recent submission. While your show made me scream “top of the morning”, we unfortunately must reject it. What academic journal have you ever heard of that accepts radio shows for publication? One might think you know nothing about this process. While you are the first radio show to be rejected, we’ve rejected several music recordings and three dogs. Feel free to list us as an untrustworthy reference on any further attempts at syndication. I’d have almost nothing to say about you other than that you had a cool submission. I shan't be calling you on March 30th, at 8:30 AM Mountain Time, at (406) 243-6226 to reject you by phone because that's smack dab in the middle of my morning commute and we're not allowed to use our cell phones while driving in Oregon. If you send a SASE, I'll send you a post-it note instead. Perhaps one of Reprobatio Certa's readers will use the codeword: CLARKISSTUPID, so you will know the call is from a loyal reader. Please respond with: NOTASSTUPIDASCALEB. Maybe you can buy me lunch if I'm ever in Montana.
Caleb Emmons, PhD
Journal of Universal Rejection