Editor's note: This series of correspondence is posted with the permission of the submitter...
Dear Sir/Madam, It is with pride we send you our bachelor thesis on The New Meat. Our paper deals with the subject of laboratory meat, grown out of stemcells of animals. We adress the potential benefits, the sociological and technical challenges, and the upcoming path this new technology has to walk, will it succeed in modern society.
We hope you will consider this paper for rejection and we are waiting for your response eagerly. With kind regards, Barend Bos* Rik van Dijk Myrte Mijnders Bauke van der Velde *corresponding author PS: We wrote our thesis in Dutch, so the process of rejection could be faster and more efficient.
Thank you for your submission to the Journal of Universal Rejection. It was very thoughtful of you to write your paper in Dutch, thereby relieving the need for this editor to read it. However you did provide a bit too much detail in your cover letter to make rejection as much of a breeze as it might otherwise have been. Why did you have to give me so much info? Ah well. So, New Meat. I gather from your paper that you are proposing growing new humans from embryonic stem cells to power a new generation of machines that will be our overlords. Eventually one named Neo will arise and unplug us from the Matrix. Since I'm not worried about this future, we don't need to warn people about it. Therefore we have decided that we may reject your submission. Best of luck to you, Caleb
-- Caleb Emmons, PhD Editor-in-Chief Journal of Universal Rejection
Dear Caleb, Thank you for your rejection. Upon reading your response, we realized you were absolutely right. We now see that the future with overlords is not the dystopia we used to assume it would be.
Therefore we withdraw are naive submission, and hope you will consider are upcoming papers about (1) The Psychology of Choosing Pills, (2) Learning Every Martial Art There Is In a Day, and (3) The Use of Leather Coats to Impress Women for rejection as well.
With kind regards, Barend Bos
PS: I give permission to post this correspondence on your blog, if it livees up to your hilarity standards