Rejection letters, correspondence, and miscellanea from the otherwise empty annals of the Journal of Universal Rejection.

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Thursday, February 17, 2011

New Meat

Editor's note: This series of correspondence is posted with the permission of the submitter... 

Dear Sir/Madam,
 It is with pride we send you our bachelor thesis on The New Meat. Our paper deals with the subject of laboratory meat, grown out of stemcells of animals. We adress the potential benefits, the sociological and technical challenges, and the upcoming path this new technology has to walk, will it succeed in modern society. 

We hope you will consider this paper for rejection and we are waiting for your response eagerly.

 With kind regards,
 Barend Bos*
 Rik van Dijk
 Myrte Mijnders
 Bauke van der Velde

 *corresponding author

 PS: We wrote our thesis in Dutch, so the process of rejection could be
 faster and more efficient.

Dear Barend,

Thank you for your submission to the Journal of Universal Rejection.

It was very thoughtful of you to write your paper in Dutch, thereby
relieving the need for this editor to read it.  However you did
provide a bit too much detail in your cover letter to make rejection
as much of a breeze as it might otherwise have been.  Why did you have
to give me so much info?  Ah well.

So, New Meat.  I gather from your paper that you are proposing growing
new humans from embryonic stem cells to power a new generation of
machines that will be our overlords.  Eventually one named Neo will
arise and unplug us from the Matrix.  Since I'm not worried about this
future, we don't need to warn people about it.  Therefore we have
decided that we may reject your submission.

Best of luck to you,

Caleb Emmons, PhD
Journal of Universal Rejection
Dear Caleb,
Thank you for your rejection. Upon reading your response, we realized you were absolutely right. We now see that the future with overlords is not the dystopia we used to assume it would be.

Therefore we withdraw are naive submission, and hope you will consider are upcoming papers about (1) The Psychology of Choosing Pills, (2) Learning Every Martial Art There Is In a Day, and  (3) The Use of Leather Coats to Impress Women for rejection as well.

With kind regards,
Barend Bos

PS: I give permission to post this correspondence on your blog, if it livees up to your hilarity standards

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