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Thank you for your submission to the Journal of Universal Rejection.
Do you ever lament the excuses that students devise in order to try to submit their homework late? In my experience none has been so bold as to break out "the dog ate my homework." Therefore I was shocked to see this very reason appear in your paper. I am assuming that when you say you "dogfooded your algorithm" that means that you were actually unable to come up with an algorithm that would work, but since you work at a fancy Ivy League school you didn't want to admit this. Very bold, and very clever.
Yet bold/clever excuses do not cut it at JofUR. We require more. Something more... I haven't figure out what exactly. But no matter; your submission is rejected.
Caleb Emmons, PhD
Journal of Universal Rejection